. . . the boy's gone.
- taken from the movie, Finding Neverland.

and why so?
well. since we're in this fasting month, we the friendly neighbours have decided to be friendly to one another and exchange dishes, kuehs, and what other delicacies imaginable, for the break- fast meal and this is kind of a routine actually- an expected thing every Ramadhan where we take it as a chance for us to be in the sharing- mode. of coz, my mom, whose fav hobby is cooking, which unfortunately, ( for her ) isnt mine as well, would relish this lil sharing activity with delight but had to contend with my own lack of equal enthusiasm. but im digressing.

the point here is that, to explain the usage of that quote as an intro, was that
just 2 days ago, a fellow neighbour popped by to give us their bit. and so i just welcomed the ( free ) food with uninhibited happiness ( but i got to admit, a bit of wariness as well coz the voice which gave the greeting was a very grave- sounding one )but i wasnt ready or i dont know what, for the sender himself.

but dont worry.
he's not some madcase or smthng. or that ah- pek who touched my cheek for seriously god knows what reason, in broad daylight, at the bus- stop, when i was in Pri 3 or somewhat around that age, and which AMAZINGLY none of the other pedestrians did something about. tsk. indifference and ignorance are two COMPLETELY different things, just for your info.

so.
this famous anonymous sender actually turned out to be a fellow neighbour, younger by i think three years, who used to be so shy, sweet and innocent, but who has evolved into this . . . i dont even know how to describe it. but the bottomline is that, i was definitely so utterly shell- shocked, my tongue seemed to be indeed tied up in a knot somewhere, that i had to mumble my words out.

yeah.
i sound like some freak. [ and btw, it was ages since i last saw him. hence, the extremely embarrassing caught- off- guard- moment. ]

but he's just soo . . . changed.
indeed. where has that lil boy gone to ??

sheesh.
i cant believe im actually scared of seeing him again. i know it sounds weird- it sounds weird even as im typing it. but its just that he was really likeable as that shy sweet lil kiddo and suddenly, WHAM, the rollescoaster ride of adolescence catches up with you, takes you in on some crazy ride, leaving you out of breath.

madness.

and now im dreading sending dishes over to their house lest he be the one to receive it. i know it sounds so so DUMB but i cant help it ! eurgh. for god's sake, you're older than him ! ! get a grip !

eurgh to the max max max.

.
.
.

good- looking guys nearly always throw you off balance. but unnervingly ones are totally a different case.


thank gawd mom decided to not send anything today. ( coz she has been for the past two days )


and pardon the extensive usage of descriptive words. its the closest i can bring to the dramaaa that im feeling.
i know. sucha drama- mama.



eurgh.