what you dont realise.

"But sometimes we get sad about things and we don't like to tell other people that we are sad about them. We like to keep it a secret. Or sometimes we are sad but we don't really know we are sad. So we say we aren't sad. But really we are."

so i say that when it hit us, we are surprised. surprised at the sudden heaviness in the chest. surprised at how twisted your heart feels. surprised at the mere enormity of the doom and gloom that you're plunged into. surprised too at the flow of pain that never seem to stop falling.

and then just as easily as you were thrown into this abyss of darkness, the moment passes. you can finally get a grip on yourself. you can stop the tears but one or two. till someone notices the sudden swell in the eyes and give you that wondering look so you know that they knew. but even if they asked if there was anything the matter, you'd only shake your head, defiantly not saying anything. not because you dont need their understanding, but because you know that if you so much as say a word, the only next thing that would happen is yourself crying your heart out. only this time, to a crowd. and you wouldnt want that of course, so you bite the inner of your lip, tongue even, as though that would stop the tears from falling. and you continue shaking your head, if possible, allowing a tiny meek "i'm okay" or "it's nothing" while willing the other party to change the topic or ask about a totally irrelevant thing.

and after some while, he / she eventually would. but the wondering look never once went away.
you'd feel relieved and think its all over.
but what you never realised is that the stone in your heart has yet to be dislodged, still there, only forgotten. and its only a matter of time before it gets displaced in your throat to choke you up again.

and then you're surprised all over again.

---

been a busy day today. what with the meeting with ET the minute i stepped into school (kinda) and volunteering to take down the minutes, which happened to be a freaking a lot so i should be finishing that up soon because Grp B would be waiting (i think) and i think a bumper issue rocks so lets Bbasya people ! 3 more weeks to go before we go into Broadcast (again) so lets just have loads of fun while we're at this Print pit stop. Aja !

:)