dont let yourself go.

i went around the various blogs and lifestories.
and it saddens me when i come across some heartfelt writing, that truly comes from the heart, that speaks of pain and hurt. which can only come out through the writing. because if you were to look at the person, you wont think he / she is anything but a happy, carefree and easy- going soul. and yet, words can say so much, even if the initial intention wasnt to confess.

which leads me to think that in everyone of us, there is the sense of need to build for ourselves this special and safe haven, only accessible to us. no one else can have access to our most innermost thoughts and feelings, and no matter what people say about knowing us, they're just seeing the surface of it. its this complexity of the human nature that intrigues me. the psychic of the mind and the depth of one's heart, just like the old lady said. people can say whatever they want to about us, but at the end of it, they still dont know what they're talking about. because they're still no closer to knowing the real us.

all the self- help books are saying about how humans should not build walls around themselves, especially in the hurting times because its in these times that contact with other people can help us up. and yet, we just cant help to continue building these walls. as if we're protecting ourselves, from what i dont know. and even if we dont want to, the pebbles are just lying around for us to simply pick them up and slowly pile them up.

im not trying to over- think things or over- analyse the way humans think and behave.
but the cycle of cause and effect on us, explaining why we do this and that, is intriguing me more and more. i want to understand. i want to know. so maybe thats why ive been looking at Psychology as an option of further studies. but thing is, is that what i really wanna do in the future ? or would i be just satisfying a temporary fascination ? i mean, im now in the Media line so its like where's the connection ?

i know some will say, oh you still have another year to figure things out, and you'll know your calling by then.
but what if i still dont ?
im not being overly anxious or paranoid. just . . you know, laying out the future.

coz i still cant help thinking that, what i initially wanted to do was Childhood Education at NP, and then doing Psychology wouldnt be so out of line, would it ?

---

got a letter from dearest SJ =))
it is indeed very the true with the old saying that seeing an old friend's handwriting on an envelope can lift up the spirits on the wettest morning.

just that i got it in the evening, but you get the drift.
and really, snail mails beat those electronic ones anytime.
:)

celebrated an advanced Mother's Day yesterday at ( where else ) Pizza Hut ! =))
i think we're more regular than the part- timers there, heh. recognised a couple of them from the last time we came, but the others are all new faces. we had the special promotion: Mother's Day feast and it was perfect :)

got Mom a set from BodyShop ( hopefully she'll love it ! ) or rather Sis got it, coz she's the one with the income mah. hehe. im usually the one in charge of the card. hopefully the poem's fine. Sis actually teared when i showed it to her last night. and she was saying how we should set out to have our own line of cards - she'll be in charge of the design ( coz she's better in Art ) while me, the words !

i'd love that :)
the idea of having my / our own bookstore ( like Meg Ryan's ) is still there. so continue believing and the dream might just come true ! haha.

anws,
i think im starting to love my time in IPP. yeah, call me slow but how would you know unless you're in my shoes ? got the day off today for that time i stayed late for the MI:3 premiere. and it wasnt even for work ! i mean, i stayed late coz i was watching the movie and yet, she ( with the sometimes cold demeanour ) gave me the day off today so that i can have a long weekend.

all the more i should try and understand that she too has her own issues, to make her seem cold and aloof, when she's actually very nice.
oh the complexities of the human nature !

and besides being in charge of the Coming Soon page of the website, ive been assigned two new projects. the first is to have a write up on the MI: 3 launch, with accompanying pics. and the second ( which is ongoing ), is to write a feature story on how the company has evolved through the years, in the eyes of the employees.

so i would need to think about the story angle, come up with the right questions to interview those who have been working for the company 20- 30 years to get their stories, and basically do a good job, coz it will be published in the new website, credited to me !

and that's just so cool.
:)

boring TV tonight but its ok coz ive got a letter to reply !

ciao ~

ps: it sucks big time that the NAPFA test is in two months time. like when can i find the time ( or the will ) to resume exercising ? ? but i dont wanna get Bronze ! :S