no more rushing off straight after the break- fast meal.
no more tired legs.
no more missed TV shows.

yet.
im filled with an emptyness that cant be put down to words.
and i cant bliv that the next time we're having these night prayer sessions will be eleven months from now.
and i dont even know for sure if i will make it till then.

not that im sick with some chronic sickness or what.
but you just never know when your last day would be, do you ?
and would you be ready for the afterlife then ?
have you prepared yourself with enough good deeds to ensure that your sufferings in Hell would be lessened ?

i sure as hell am not sure of my own answer to any of the above questions.

which is why i wish Ramadhan can sometimes just be for forever.
coz its the month in which God is all forgiving.
and we're like newborns, free from any sins.

but Ramadhan is leaving us again in just another one more day.
where Syawal comes along on Thursday.
bringing the very awaited Hari Raya.
the month and day for us to be merry and to rejoice after a month of 'sacrificing'.

yet.
where most would usually associate Hari Raya with happiness and merriness,
there are some who feel utterly sad when this day comes.
coz they would be reminded of their beloveds who have left, and who could not be around this time to celebrate this joyous occassion together.

indeed.
there are some who have left us during this past one year.
either due to old- age or some sickness.
but its still rather saddening to know that we have one less old folk to pay visit to.
coz isnt it true that its actually the old folks who hold a family strong together and give the family more reason to come together especially during special occassions like these ?

. . .

midnight rantings.

x-x-x

on other news.
i realise i actually love to edit reports and would somehow feel a sense of accomplishment seeing the 'after' result. so IP report's done more or less. gonna come school tomorrow for the sake of the girls to edit it again and print everything out for submission.

feels good when things get done.
=)

but just dont remind me about Tony at 2.
coz im simply not going to sit myself in some self- account of a life of whom im not particularly interested or excited about.
and for three hours? just droning on and on and on . . .
plus.
ive got loads to do at home.


really.
preparations for Raya can be really draining mannn.
but i surprise myself at my own ke-kentalan.
as in the positive meaning la.
hah.

wish could write more but energy's rapidly oozing out and another long day tomorrow.
[ like can someone just roll his eyes for me ]

yeah like that.


cant bliv im saying this but i think i would actually be relieved when the whole hoo- haa of Raya is done with.

. . .

ps: im gonna miss the lunak and melodious voice.
: (