- serenity -

im alone now at home and its so silent coz i choose not to have the radio on or the Rioport playing. kinda cool actually. noise can give me ( unnecessary and very much unwelcomed ) headaches. so some peace and quiet can be rather good for the brain ( ? ) and soul. yeah. tho some may beg to differ i dont know and i dont care. and im just writing on and on, as randomly as possible, with just whatever thoughts that is running thru my head, as groggy still as it is. but what the heck. throw abandonment to the wind, with whatever wind there is coming from the fan right next to me, and just dont care about lil decorative things like paragraphing and spelling check whatsoevers. but you cant help stopping at certain points, thinking ( yeah, you still cant help it ) about what you're gonna divulge here really, no matter what you say about not caring. coz of course there are things which die die also you wont say them here. its all about keeping things for yourself, rather than to yourself. am i making sense, no ? and i think this paragraph really is dragging on for much too long some of you might even be having an eyesore already. but i dont feel like pressing the 'enter' button so there. its gonna be a long day later, starting from the early noon. so im having whatever chance i have now to write and write. sometimes i really think writing is my form of therapy. is there even such a thing as that ? but as long as i can write, be it in here or in the OD, or in my personal diary, im good. some would rather have retail therapy to let loose some of the penned up emotions inside, and i do have that at times too, but writing still remains a dear to me. coz it clears your mind and heart and let you see things in a better perspectives when you actually write them down. but i dont know whats the purpose of this whole activity but im still not stopping. but of coz you guys can stop reading la if the eyes are starting to hurt. [ u mean u tahan all the way here ?? ] right at this moment im at a loss of what to say. so much yet so hard. but words are only words. they dont matter, yes ? and im thinking about how good it'd be to stay in later but i musnt be lazy and give in to the temptation of just slacking around when i can actually have better and more purposeful things to do. i can slack all i want when the fasting month starts before school begins. those 2 weeks or so would really be a 'rest' time for me to renew the energy [ but such irony, when energy is the very thing you dont feel w/o any food or drinks ] but believe it or not, its amazing how you can actually last w/o food or drinks for some hours. hah. some being like almost 12 hours ? i mean, we even took our Os during the fasting month ! and it went fine. better actually. so while some of the non- muslims at that time were worried for us, should we faint or what during the papers, the few of us actually saw it as a blessing instead. and indeed. ok i feel like stopping here. somehow ive lost the mood to blog. so there. just a random and ( maybe ) useless entry with not much thought put into it. well, not very much thought la. and its Mon today so there's gonna be model ! after a week hiatus. and after two ( or is it three ) weeks w/o GG ( since i didnt catch it last week ) it was nice seeing the girls again last evening. and Rory has wavi-ed ( no such word i know ) her hair. and she is still so preeety. but she'll still look good la no matter what. haha. and thank gawd for that guy Logan. yeah ! save her from that dense Dean. sheeesh. he totally does NOT deserve her lorr. and yesterday's episode was about being in a situation outside your comfort zone, where you go into a different terrritory of experience- Rory's being very nice ( i like that jump ! ) while Luke's being . . not so nice. but its all about whether you're willing to put yourself into that new zone and deal with it the best you can. if it still sucks, at least you can proudly say you entered that zone in the first place with your head held high and that you've given your best. its not your fault it still sucks in the end. and thats something we ALL got to realise. that its not your fault if things go wrong ( and thats if it REALLY isnt la heh ) so you need not constantly be blaming yourself and wallow endlessly in self- pity. coz things happen. period.

and that said, im really gonna stop now. so much for not pressing the 'enter' button or 'decorating' the entry with lil lil sutffs like bolding the damned brackets, for God's sake. haha. but i just liek it that way. and thats my style so there. cant be helped la heeh. so i'll leave the nice- ties out like ta ! tooddles ! and what other have- yous. and just leave.

like this.