OC, element of xtreme sadness

- past endeavours -

yes.
to those who have realised or asked about the link to my past entries, well, they're just not for your perusal.

the past does not matter.
what does is the present and tomorrow. then again, tomorrow doesnt weigh quite as much as now. coz things can surely happen in just a wink of an eye. a snap of the finger.

and some have commented that i do sound happier now. and these are of coz those who have had the ( unfortunate ) chance to be at the mercy of my more depressing entries, then.

well.
that should be good news right. that i sound happier. and i do feel it.
i guess.

but God only knows how im feeling inside. and only to Him can i truly emote everything. even without me having to say a single word, or spell everything out, He knows. and i guess thats what matters.

oh god.
sometimes i really want to be truly happy. for others, for my mom, for dad, for sis, for myself.

but at times, it just gets too draining.


i think i better stop here before i go deeper.


and i love the OC.
not coz its funny [ which it is, very ] but for the element of extreme sadness in the characters. especially Kirsten. she is such a sad woman, despite having everything. and the past 2 episodes were kinda about her. and i thought about the reasons why. why she's become like that, so utterly depressed.
and i came to the conclusion that, she's just not very at peace with herself.


and i think thats what i got to do. not for anyone else. and not for anyone else.
but for me.

i guess that'll be my answer to being truly happy.

and i'll just let Him do the rest.