standing still

oh what a trip it was to the Grans.
this time, it was just the three of us.
but it was no different than the rest.
i'll always leave with a heavy heart, wishing that i was living nearer to them so that i could visit them anytime, at ease.
instead of having to travel over to the other side of Singapore.

we went in a cab, cuz it'll be too much of a hassle if we were to take the MRT.
what with all the goodies we were bringing for the Grans.
my head then started to be woozy [as usual, me and cabs]
and it started to rain heavily.

i just stared listlessly out the window,
at the little rivers streaming down the window pane,
at the greyish skies above.
at how dull everything looked.
at the blurry images of cars passing by.

and it was just uncanny how i felt that the heavens were crying for me.
in that moment of sombreness.
in my own silence.

only i knew what i was thinking.
only i felt what i was feeling.
and only i could see the picture replaying itself in my mind.



i thought he was different.
but i guess i thought wrong.
i should have known they're all the same.


im sorry but i think this door will be shut again.
and i wont be able to tell you where the key is.
cuz i dont know myself.


you know, they say that despair is the worst feeling you can ever feel.
cuz with despair, you leave no room for hope.
and hope is something you need to live.
so how can you possibly live when in despair?


we went home by MRT, cuz taking the cab would just burn a bigger hole in the pockets.
but anyway, maybe there was some good in taking the MRT instead.
cuz i was surrounded, literally left right and front, with kids.
i in fact had to share my seat with this very fidgety Indian gurl and we were literally squashed together.
but i wasnt mad or anything.
i was more comforted, if i can say so.

cuz i just felt so blessed, to be able to witness their joy and glee, at the simplest things.
in their own uncomplicated world.


sometimes we all just need that lil moment of uncomplicateness,
to pull ourselves back up from the downs.

and i needed that.